Before it began...

    It is so evident, looking back, that God was preparing my husband(Brandon) and I(Lindsey) to be adoptive parents of a child from Asia (specifically) many years ago.  I have had the desire to adopt children as far back as I can remember. With time, that desire grew ever stronger and increasingly more specific. Seeing the path laid out from the time I was a child, I have no doubts that my Heavenly Father pre-ordained it. Leaving out many details, I will try to give you a brief summary of the events leading up to the Promise of a child for us.

Losing Hope...

   Although there were several events preparing us even before we were married, I will spare you an even longer blog. We got married in November 2004, after having agreed we would wait 2-3 years before trying to have children. A year went by, and my desire to be a mother was growing beyond what I could contain, but after discussing it, we once again decided to wait.  Another year went by, and after weeks of calling out to God about my overwhelming desire to get off the Pill, I carefully brought up the idea to Brandon. [I had been on the Pill since I was 16 years old due to some health problems.]  A co-worker, who had emotionally supported me through my discussing it with Brandon, got off the Pill around the same time. She had news about 2 months later that she was expecting! I was not.  Nine months later, she had a beautiful little girl. I had hoped I was pregnant a couple times, but to my dismay, l was not. 

  By this time, I noticed my body was feeling and acting strange, so we decided to go see and an Endocrinologist (a doctor who deals specifically with hormonal problems).  After a few appointments, my doctor informed me that the blood samples he had taken showed some imbalances and his main concern was that I my have a prolactinoma-a (usually) benign tumor that grows in the brain when prolactin (a reproductive hormone) is too high. He assured me that in most cases, there is nothing to worry about. Nevertheless, we were worried. 

   My MRI showed no tumors. Relieved, we began a treatment plan with pharmaceuticals to try and balance out my hormones. I had no idea why I was on the medicines, but I took them as prescribed. My doctor assured me that within a few months, I should be able to get pregnant.  After another nine months or so, my doctor confessed to me that he really wasn't sure what was going on with my hormones because my symptoms were "not textbook" or anything he had seen before. Fear began to grip my heart.  I knew God had placed in me the desire to be a mother. As my mother reminded me, I tried to hold onto the belief that He would not give me such a strong desire only to leave me aching for the rest of my life. My faith in His unfailing love began to waiver.

  It came time to PCS (move on US Air Force orders). Busy with moving preparations, I buried my desire and ignored the ache in my heart. Then one day, a couple of days before we moved, I asked Brandon to take me to a jewelry sale (my girlfriend went on about the lovely treasures she had found for cheap, besides, it was almost our anniversary).  I saw a dazzling white-gold ring with a lovely garnet inset, my birthstone, cut into a heart. Brandon saw the twinkle in my eye and told my to try it on. I did, and it fit. Looking it over, admiring the delicate metalwork, I noticed a cut-out inscription, "MOM" and 3 hearts. My countenance fell. It was beautiful, and I thought it was there just for me, but after seeing the word "Mom" on it, I knew it must have been my mistake. I may never be a mom and if I were, it would be many years down the road. I quickly put it down, swallowing the stabbing pain in my heart. Brandon saw what happened, but didn't understand why my demeanor changed so suddenly. "It's expensive." I said, trying to hide my true disappointment. He raised an eyebrow, he knew there was more. I showed him the inscription, "We don't know how long that will take, it's just not appropriate for me right now." I put it down and decided to find something else I liked. I quickly forced the pain deep into the recesses of my heart and found a lovely charm bracelet. 

  Days later, on our anniversary, (Brandon had already bought me the bracelet, so I expected nothing) he gave me a small box. I looked opened it to see the gorgeous garnet ring, more lovely than I remembered. With a tear in my eye, I looked at Brandon inquisitively. "I snuck back to the store. I know you aren't a mom yet, but I really believe God is going to give us a child." His loving gift paired with his gently reassuring words were a healing balm on my aching heart. I smiled and cried.  His faith gently pulled mine to it's feet and I began to pray in faith.